“Settling into a new country is like getting used to a pair of shoes. At first they pinch a little, but you like the way they look, so you carry on. THe longer you have them, the more comfortable they become. Until one day, without realizing it you reach a glorious plateau. Wearing those shoes is like wearing no shoes at all. The more scuffed they get, the more you love them and the more you can’t imagine life without them.” (Tahir Shah: In Arabian Nights)
Et år er gået, og min tid i Sudan er ovre. Noget af det jeg finder mest belønnende ved at bo og arbejde under fremmed himmel, er at få lov at opleve at livet kan leves anderledes, at vi ikke nødvendigvis har den eneste løsning på hvad livet bør indeholde. Det er ikke nogen hemmelighed at vi hvad angår velstand, uddannelse, fred, og valgmuligheder er meget forkælede i Danmark, ihvertfald hvis man sammenligner med Sudan.
Jeg har brugt meget af min tid i Bushen, i små landsbyer hvor folk ikke er så eksponerede for udvikling. Mange kender end ikke Khartoum eller Juba, deres egen hovedstad. Og livet leves som det altid har været levet, generation efter generation. Og det har slået mig at folk faktisk er tilfredse med dette. En kvinde bliver gift som teenager, hver tredje år får hun et nyt barn, hun træder ind i rollen som Mor og hustru, og hun brokker sig ikke, men regner sig selv blandt de heldige. Hun taler heller ikke om hvad hun kune have drevet det til hvis blot...Her er ingen selvrealisering nødvendig. Man er kvægavlere, dyrker lidt afgrøder omkring sin hytte, snakker med de andre kvinder når man sammen henter vand ved brønden, og man er tilfreds, for man kender ikke et andet liv.
Også tænker jeg på mig, og mine veninder derhjemme. Vi har haft talrige valg. Vi har valgt uddannelse, karriere, mænd, og nogle mænd er blevet fravalgt igen. Vi har valgt hvor vi vil bo, vi har valgt at flytte væk fra Danmark for en tid. Nogle valg har været nemme, nogle har nærmest indtruffet uden at vi har tænkt over det, og andre har været vanskelige, nærmest umulige. Og hvergang vi foretager et valg, er der en svag stemme kaldet tvivl der hvisker i baggrunden: “har du nu valgt rigtigt?” “ ville dit liv se bedre ud hvis du havde valgt anderledes?” “Hvad nu hvis?”
Og mens jeg skriver dette melder en tanke sig: “Ville jeg være lykkeligere hvis jeg ikke havde alle disse valg, hvis jeg ikke havde muligheden for at foretage et galt valg, hvis jeg var født i en lille landsby i Sudan?”
English:
A year has passed and my time in Sudan is gone. One of the things that I find most rewarding by working and living under foreign stars, is being given a chance to see that life can be different, that we do not necessarily have the one solution to what life must be like. It is no secret, that when it comes to wealth, education, peace and choices in life, we are very spoiled in Denmark, at least if you compare to a country like Sudan.
I have spend a remarkable part of my time this past year in the bush, in small villages where people are not exposed to development. Many do not even know Khartoum or Juba, their own capital. And here life is lived, as it always has been lived generation after generation. And I have been surprised, that the people actually seem content with this life. A woman gets married as a teenager, for every three years that follows she gets a child, she step into the role of mother and wife, and she does not complain, but count herself lucky. She also does not talk about what she could have made it to, if just... Here is no need to realise your self potential. People are herds-people, they grow a few crops around the house, talk to the other woman while fetching the water from the bore hole, and she is content, as she does not know of a different life.
And then I can not help thinking of me and my girlfriends at home. We have multitudes of choices. We have chosen our education, our careers, our men, and some men have be de-selected again. We have chosen where we want to live, some have chosen to move away from Denmark for a while. Some Choices has been easy, some have almost taken themselves without us thinking about it, and yet others has been difficult to make, almost impossible. And every time we make a choice there is a possibility that a small voice called doubt will appear, whispering in our ear: “Did you make the right choice?” “Would your life look better if you have chosen differently?” and “What if...?”
While I am sitting here typing, a thought catches me: “Would I have been happier if I did not have the choices, if I did not have the chance of making a wrong choice, if I were born in a small village in Sudan? “
